Saying Goodbye, and the Light at the End of the Tunnel

I'm going to be okay.

I just keep telling myself that.

Things are going to be okay.

On Monday morning, I called Jim and asked him to come over to say goodbye.

Our last few moments together were great. He hugged so tightly, and kissed me goodbye and I felt like he really "meant it", whatever that means.

When we said goodbye, we promised to stay in touch, even though I knew it wouldn't really happen.

He told me to text him when I got home and let him know I made it... and it felt like he really cared.

Fast forward to 8 hours later. As soon as I pulled in to my driveway, I texted him to let him know I was home.

After an hour went by and I didn't hear back from him, I just started to feel really sad. And then finally, I got a reply, and I was happy again.

Then it donned on me how ridiculous it was that I was finally home with my family, on this new journey, and I was going to let my happiness be determined by whether or not some man texted me back or not.

So, I made a decision. A hard decision, but the best decision for everyone, I think.

I decided to tell Jim that I wasn't going to try to keep in touch.

It was hard, but I just kept thinking about how well things ended and that is how I want to remember him. I want to remember all of the times he made me laugh, and the times that we just laid on the couch talking about life, and all of the things that he said that made me feel amazing.

I want to remember him as the best person I met in North Carolina, rather than as the guy who I hooked up with a few times and then never heard from again.

I think it is going to be hard. Right now, everything reminds me of him.

I will text him before his surgery next month, and I will text him when I go to get my stuff from North Carolina and see Joe... but I'm not going to hold on to the hope that we are ever going to be together.

So, I think I'm doing the right thing.

As for everything else.. those things are okay too. My family drama has worked itself mostly out, and now I have time to focus on job searching and figuring out what I want to do with my life.

I'm going to be okay.