Heartbreak, Healing, and the Hardest Decision of My Life.

On Memorial Day, we had a cook-out with some of the people in my neighborhood. Our neighbor Joe hosted, and his two room mates, who I had never met, came. 

When Jim walked in, I was instantly attracted to him. The more I learned about him, the more I wanted to get to know him. And there was something about the way he looked at me that just drew me in. 

Unfortunately, I didn't see him again for a couple of weeks. Every time I left my house, I looked next door, hoping to catch a glimpse of Mr. Perfect, but it just never happened. 

A couple of weeks later, I went to the beach, which is where my fainting/head injury/stitches happened. Luckily, for a couple of reasons, Jim is a medic, and knows how to remove stitches. 

We had a total of three meetings (?) to take them out, and each time I learned more about who he is, and the butterflies in my stomach became more persistent. 

On a Friday afternoon he came over to take out the last 3 or 4. That weekend we were both scheduled to go to the beach, but I decided to stay home to take care of the dog, and he decided to stay home too. So, he gave me his number and told me to text him the next day. I was thrilled. 

The next day, I texted him and he came over to watch a movie. That movie turned into two, which turned into him taking me out to dinner, which turned into a fire at his place with his room mates. Eventually, him and his room mate came back to my house to watch another movie. During the movie, we just kept getting closer and closer, eventually holding hands and cuddling. I'm not even sure what the movie was about! 

When the movie was over, his room mate went back home, and he stayed. After a few awkward minutes we kissed...a lot. 

When he eventually left, I was overcome with the feeling that it was going to be a good thing. 

Oh how wrong I was...

On Wednesday, we went for a walk, and he mentioned that his friend Danielle was coming to visit for a few days, around the same time that my best friend Megan is coming to visit. For some reason, it just seems strange to me, like there was something funny about it. 

So, on Thursday night I decided to do some major digging, via the internet. What I found was devastating. I found his "friend" Danielle's Facebook page, which indicated that they were, in fact, in a relationship. 

I went through so many emotions in the moment. I was sad and angry. I felt played, but I also felt relieved that I found out so soon, before things got more serious. Heartbreak is probably a huge over statement, but I definitely feel betrayed and super disappointment. 

Jim has been at a kid's came this weekend, counseling kids who lost their parents in the war. (Seriously, does he have to be so wonderful?!) So, I haven't really gotten to talk to him about it. I need his side of the story, I need an explaination. 

But here is my dilemma: Do I tell his girlfriend? Everyone is telling me that I should, but I just don't know if I can. I think part of it is that I still really like him. Sure, I'm pissed off and would never date him. But, I just want to be around him and I know that if I tell her, he will never talk to me.... 

Life is hard.  

I'm going to answer some more of my questions soon, but first I have a story to tell you. 

I went to Myrtle Beach this weekend, and I had a really great time... well, mostly. 

We hung out on the beach, had a super nice room.. like it was a suite in this super nice hotel. The suite was bigger than the house I live in, and definitely a lot nicer. 

I met a lot of nice new people, and we all just had a good time! 

But then Saturday night, things took kind of a scary turn. 

Charlotte, Stephanie, Jennifer and I decided to use the free child care, and go out to dinner with a couple of other people who were there on the spouses retreat. 

We took a hotel shuttle to a Mexican Restaurant and were eating and having a great time. I decided to go to the restroom before the check came. When I stood up, I started to feel dizzy. I've been having dizzy spells on and off for about a year, but only for a few seconds when I first stand up.   But this time it was different, it just wouldn't go away. 

I came out of the bathroom, and I felt like I was going to pass out, so I stood up against a wall. 

The next thing I remember, is being woken up from a strange dream (I can't remember what it was), and I was surrounded by a bunch of waiters. I was super confused, and I looked down and there was blood all over the floor. The waiter was holding a towel to my forehead and told me to be calm, they were calling 911. 

At some point, my cousin came running over, and I saw flashing lights, indicating that the ambulance had made it. They EMT's came in and said that I would definitely need stitches, but that I didn't have to go with them if someone else could take me to the emergency room. I knew I couldn't go with them, because it would cost me over $800 to go one and a half miles down the road, but since we took the shuttle, no one could drive me either. Right away, one of the waiters offered to take us. 

So, Charlotte and Jennifer rode with me to the hospital while Stephanie went back to get the kids out of daycare. 

I got to the hospital, and Charlotte started crying, which totally freaked me out. They rolled me into the triage center in a wheel chair, and in the big confusion of things, my mom called. Charlotte had my phone, and accidentally answered. I couldn't get very good reception, so the nurse let me call her from the hospital phone. Of course she was totally freaked out... pretty much hysterical, and at that point I just told her that I fainted, not about the gash in my head. 

Thankfully I got into a room right away. They hooked me up to an iv with medicine and saline, ran a ton of tests, and basically said that they didn't know what was wrong. 

5 hours later, I finally got about 7 stitches and got to go back to the hotel. 

When I looked at myself in the mirror, I felt like Frankenstien's Monster. My face was, and still is, super swollen. I also got a sunburn earlier in the day, so it was red too. And, I still had blood all over the place, including all through my hair, which they told me not to wash for 48 hours (that didn't happen). 

So yeah, it was a pretty rough night. 

I'm still trying to figure out why in happened, but I might not ever know. Luckily I got away with just a few stitches and a sore neck! And over all the trip was really fun! 

I need to get to bed now, but I will be back soon!