"Do people really gain anything from their work? I saw the hard work God has given people to do. God has given them a desire to know the future. He does everything just right and on time, but people can never completely understand what he is doing. So I realize that the best thing for them is to be happy and enjoy themselves as long as they live. God wants all people to eat and drink and be happy in their work, which are gifts from God. I know that everything God does will continue forever. People cannot add anything to what God has done, and they cannot take anything away from it. God does it this way to make people respect him." Ecclesiastes 3:9-14

I spend more time than I would like to admit planning my life. Planning is good. I need to know what classes I should take, when I should go certain places, and do certain things. It is important that I make plans to do laundry every week and feed my fish every day. These things are good.

The down side comes when I get obsessed with planning every second of every day of my life. There was a time not to long ago when I would detail every moment from the time I woke up in the morning until the time I went to sleep at night. (11 pm to be exact). I could look at my schedule and tell you what time I would be eating dinner, and what time I would be working on psychology homework or a theology paper.

At first I thought it helped me stay focused and organized, but eventually I realized that it was making me miss out on opportunities and experiences. If someone asked me to do something or go somewhere at the last minute, I would either say no or I would go and then feel guilty the whole time, because I knew there was something else I was supposed to be doing.

Once I gave up this control, I realized that I could still be organized and get things done, in a way that was much better for my social life and emotional health.

My obsessive planning unfortunately didn't stop there. I have always tried to plan my future. I feel like, I know what I want, and I'm going to do what it takes to make sure that it happens. The problem is that sometimes my plans don't work out, which is obviously disappointing.

It's like, when God doesn't give me the things I want in my life, I try to take matters into my own hands, and I always fail. This should be evident, I should know that when my plans don't match God's there is nothing that I can do to change that. God created me with a purpose, so his plan for my life is always better than my own. Free will aside, I believe that God's plan will always be carried out, regardless of how much I fight it.

When I stop trying to make my own way in this world, and agree to let God be in control, my anxiety rises. At times I feel like I have more questions than answers. I pray that God will give me wisdom about my life and my future. I want answers, and I want them now... but that's not always how God works.

I think the important thing to remember, is that I do not need to know the future. I just have to believe that everything will work out because, well, everything always works out.

Maybe I'll never be able to totally let go of my desire for control, and I think that's okay. It gives me drive and passion which are important if I'm going to fulfill God's purpose for my life. I just have to learn to go with the flow and enjoy the ride!